Nowadays, you might learn of a test result before seeing or talking with your doctor. Seeing an “abnormal” result may understandably cause distress—from mild anxiety to outright terror. Here’s a tip that recently helped me rein in my imagination between the posting of the result and my scheduled visit with the doctor who had ordered the test.
Since 2022, I’ve been treated for aplastic anemia at a research-oriented marrow clinic. A newish medication had been working well, with better-than-expected improvement in my blood count. But I also developed some abnormalities detected with and followed by research-grade blood tests.
Last week, four days before my scheduled follow-up, I was notified of test results on my portal. They showed an unexpected new abnormality that looked to me to be a bit ominous.
I reined in my imagination with one sentence: “I don’t know what this means.”
When I shared the results with my husband, I prefaced my report with, “I do NOT know what this means.” After sharing what I saw and what I worried it meant, I repeated the only certainty: “I do NOT know what it means.”
For four days, I repeated that truth whenever my thoughts or emotions wandered into what-if territory. That sentence effectively minimized my anxiety by:
Encouraging me to accept the uncertainty.
Discouraging attempts to figure it out by myself.
Shutting down thoughts about frightening possibilities.
My follow-up visit began with my oncologist saying, “We were surprised by your test results.” I thought, “Good surprise? Or bad surprise?”
Then he smiled before explaining why the new abnormalities were not worrisome. For him, the major news was that a prior abnormality had unexpectedly resolved, something rarely seen.
Driving home, I celebrated my good fortune, of course, but also that I’d successfully spared myself unecessary worry.
Healthy Survivors accept the uncertainty associated with not knowing what a test result means. While waiting to discuss it with their physician, they don’t sweat and fret in a “wait and see” limbo. Rather, they “live and see.”
Illustration by Emma Mathes
Healing Hope—Through and Beyond Cancer (Harpham; 2018)