I don’t mean to complain, but complaining gets a bad rap. A huge compliment for patients is that they never complain. Might complaining be healthy sometimes?
To complain is to express pain or discomfort, grief, or dissatisfaction. The problem with complaining is that it carries negative connotations, such as:
Lack of desire or willingness to change anything
Weakness
Self-centeredness
Personally, I’ve tried to avoid ever sounding like a complainer. That’s why I often preface an expression of discomfort, grief, or dissatisfaction with: “I’m just reporting, not complaining.” That’s my way of saying, “I accept that this is the way it is…and I can handle it. I am mentioning what’s bothering me only so you know what’s going on—and not to try to comfort me or fix anything.”
Maybe I’ve been too dismissive of complaining. Whining about a discomfort or frustration may:
Provide emotion relief for the complainer even when nothing about the complaint changes.
Foster bonds with the other person through a shared experience and/or building trust and understanding.
The key questions are:
In what way is complaining helping the complainer?
In what way is it harming the complainer?
What is the impact of the complaining on the relationship?
In the pursuit of Healthy Survivorship, these three questions help you assess the impact of complaining on your ability to get good care and live as fully as possible.
from Healing Hope
Illustrator Emma Mathes