Challenges of patienthood include role strain. Dr. Virginia Adams O’Connell explains in her book, Remission Quest—A Medical Sociologist Navigates Cancer (p73):
Sociologists use the term role strain to describe situations when people find it hard to fulfill the responsibilities associated with their roles in society.
That definition means you may find it hard to put on your “coach” hat or “parent” hat or “teacher” hat for any combination of reasons, such as you…
Don’t have the strength, stamina, or ability to concentrate
Are immunocompromised and cannot be around people
Are unreliable because of "rough days” or hospitalizations
Don’t have the emotional bandwidth to act appropriately for the role
Finding a healthy approach to minimizing role strain may get complicated. One response can be both helpful and detrimental—physically, emotionally., and socially.
Let’s say you usually lead a book club. While ill, letting go of that job helps preserve the time and energy needed for treatment and recovery. But if book club always brought you meaning and joy, letting go is a loss, which triggers grief.
Healthy Survivors address role strain in healthy ways.
Recognize when role strain is creating problems.
Consider your options and, if needed, discuss them with the people involved.
Prioritize getting well, even when it means grieving a loss for now.
Prioritize your roles. Fulfill your higher-priority roles when possible without jeopardizing your recovery.
Be flexible. Adjust your priorities as your abilities, needs, and desires change.
Illustration by Jonas Kulikauskas
Becky and the Worry Cup (HarperCollins)