In your effort to comfort someone, you may unwittingly cause distress. Of many possible scenarios, a common one is offering heartfelt phrases that have lost their healing potential through overuse.
For example, I hear you. Those three caring words may work perfectly. Or they may miss the mark, having nothing to do with you and everything to do with the other person’s emotional state or history with that phrase. If they hear it often and/or from people who obviously wish to end the conversation, they may react poorly if you say I hear you…
As your entire response.
Immediately, as if reflexively.
With the same tone of voice every time.
Via text or email (i.e., without eye contact or facial/body language).
To decrease the risk of your words of comfort sounding cliché:
Mix up the language, especially if comforting someone via text or email. (I hear what you are saying. Thanks for explaining it to me.)
Invite guidance (Please tell me if anything I say or do is not helpful)
NOTE to Healthy Survivors: If others’ words of comfort rub you the wrong way, give them the benefit of the doubt. Take it as a sign of caring. If unease lasts longer than momentarily, explain: I know you care. I’m asking everyone to avoid saying…(XYZ). That would help me.
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